Writer’s write…..right?

Wrong….well, some of us can’t seem to find the time to do what it is we want to do most, what it is we feel we were born to do. For me, life seems to get in the way all day every day. Granted, and I’m extremely Thankful for the work so far this year, we all need to make a living somehow until we are “discovered” or sell our first manuscript to one of the publishing giants.

But, it’s not just work and how fatigued the type of job I do makes me, it’s, well, I’m not sure I can tell you what it is. In the past, my past, when I’ve been determined to do something I was always able to make the time, to push aside other aspects of my life, or plan better when it came to “time management”. Looking back, the “me” I remember was fearless and oh so determined to succeed. I was able to juggle as many balls as I needed to all at one time and still streak down the highway of my hopes and dreams, of life.

 Not so, lately.

Even, we’re in the 8th month of 2009 and I have barely written a few chapters and made a paltry half dozen(if that many….) or so “weekly” blog posts…..yeah I know….what the hell have I been doing?                                                                

     Trying to run a radio station for one thing, while blazing up and down the highways of America almost non-stop for 6 months or more probly close to 8 or 9 I’m thinkin’….it’s all kind of a blurr, really….and then there’s the gutteral clench of worrying about my darling wife working 2 jobs while she waits for the doctor members of her new and not so improved insurance at her work to get their act together and assess the cancer in her arm, and to check the one ovary she has left to see if it’s cancerous too…..And, I try not to worry, but sometimes I come home and she looks a bit too pale and seems to have had an awfully hard time holding down the fort……I guess you’d have to be in the position to understand and I’m not crying about it either, I want to be clear on that, but it seems to wear me down at times, more and more. Most of what I’m up to, and what I’ve undertaken is and has been due to my aspirations as a writer, to be a writer, yes, even the radio station. It’s actually a spin-off of my wildly popular trucking blog.

So, as my little world, which looks more like a raging inferno lighting up the night sky, crashes, bangs, and thunders around me, the moment, the chance to pour myself into a few scribbled words seemed to want to dance just out of reach of my heart and fingers again today. But I couldn’t let it, not again, not this time.

Are my hopes and dreams fading? Were they ever real? Was the netherworld my youthfull ideals constructed - tangible, achievable or simply imagined? I don’t know…..I really don’t, sometimes….                                 

The monster of stress, anxiety and fear paces behind my chair as I steal a few moments to write to you. I feel the heat and smell the stench of it’s breath, yet, here I sit feeling like I’ve  gained back a little ground, like I’ve taken a few steps toward the light glimmering through the trees of a darkened forest.

How? Why? Well, (I snort….) because writer’s write…..right? DAMN RIGHT!

Stay tuned writers……….I LOVE ya!

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